Watership Down Review

And here I go, writing ten thousand years later. But it's here. My first book review of 2014, and it's for another children's/young adult novel.

I've recently finished reading Watership Down (this website is a great resource for pictures of the real places mentioned in the book), a tale of rabbits struggling for their survival. Now, this is a book that many different people will like; if you like rabbits, you'll enjoy this, if you like adventure books, you'll like this, if you like suspense (yes, there are times where this book becomes quite the page turner), you will like this.

The plot revolves around two brother rabbits, after one has a premonition of a disaster. That's all that I can really say without revealing anything really important from the plot. I'm not a person that likes to give spoilers, so that's why this blog post is going to be rather brief. It's all about the different rabbits they encounter, the few human interactions, and the premonitions that have an incredible impact on how the rabbits view their world, and how important it is for them to push the limits to become the best rabbits possible.

Now, if you like young adult books, books like "Wind in the Willows", then this will definitely be something that you want to read. It's a lovely page turner.

This is a short ass review, because the book is very much what it is. It's amazing, and you just need to read it; if it doesn't catch you than it's probably not the book for you, and if it does, enjoy the journey.

New Year, New Literary Challenges

Hello blog in 2014!

I have not forgotten about anything, and I'm still working on that writing exercise project (yes, it's running way late, but I'm still doing it, and in this case, that's what counts), and I'm reading a new book. I'm not going to mention the book here, because hopefully in the next few days when I'm done, I will have a post about it. I'll give a hint: it's another children's classic about animals. Okay, that's big enough.

I had temporarily lost my outline book, but my sister found it for me, and now that it's found, I'm determined to know where it is at all times. I'm going to do a lot of writing this year; it was also my resolution last year, but I have the most positive feelings about getting things done this year, and I'm really proud of what I will possibly be able to accomplish.

First things first, I will put some fiction on here. I feel like I've promised that before, and it turned out to be something that I absolutely should not have put online, but you live and learn.

I have a goal this year to be published, whether that means self, or finding a real publishing house.

I want to write and read everyday, and not spend so much time on my social networks and YouTube, especially if it doesn't have anything to do with bettering myself.

What else...? I'm not sure what else, but as I know it, I will let it be know here.

This is a new year, of promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. Yep, I just stole that line, and I'm not even going miles before I sleep, unless it's a metaphor that I'm too tired to understand right now.

2014 is going to be AWESOME.

Fiction Challenge

I have to admit something: I've been neglecting my writing. The things that I need to work on, one particularly long and daunting piece in particular, have made me wimp out. But I've decided that I will no longer wimp out, and that I haven't been putting in the time necessary for me to become a good writer.

I just got the somewhat brilliant idea to do a bit of a fiction challenge for myself, to see if I could write one piece of fiction a week; this is not going to be my only writing, but at least one piece a week for me to put up here, so that I can hold myself up to a different standard and judge. As much as I usually write erotica, I'm going to try to write more than just that.

And I haven't stopped reading: I've currently decided to read the book "Don Quixote", which I didn't realize had so much going on inside it. I'm already 3% in to the book, and I haven't gotten past the translators notes. There are a few different translations, but I think that the one that my story is, is something a bit more recent, although I'm not so sure. I'm worried that I won't understand it as well as I should, but I also think that I can understand it if I teach it to myself, and I take my time to fully understand.

I will read shorter things throughout reading "Don Quixote", so I will still have book reviews to write on a timely schedule. The biggest thing is that the schedule is timely. My biggest problem, my giant to slay, if I'm going down "The Warrior Girls" route, is the giant Procrastination. It's really messed me up in life, and makes me shirk my responsibilities. I can't continue to have it happen, so I'm going to keep myself on a schedule.

That's it for now, although there will be a lot more of me seen in the near future.

October Writing Update

I have been slower with my writing than I care to admit. There are so many projects taht I have to finish that i'm seriously trying to put myself on a schedule, but I've never done well on a schedule. I might make one that accomodates my sleeping habits and things of that nature.

Apparently, to become a great writer, you must write. It sounds like the most simple advice, but it can be super tricky. Technically, writing this update counts as working on writing, but it isn't really the genre that I really find myself leaning towards. I'm happy that I have some halfway decent non-fiction skills, I think they may come in handy for writing one day.

There is a long story, something of a novel, that I should really work on. It's the first piece that I've ever written that has an outline. I'm less than one quarter of the way through, and somewhat stuck because the style that I chose to write it in is quite different from what I am used to writing. It's very plush, and I try to be hyper descriptive, but it's not always the best.

There are some short stories I know I should write, some thing that could definitely be money makers. I know I can write fetish stories, and I think I need to further explore fetishes before reaching out to that market truthfully.

Editing... I haven't edited anything of my own in ten thousand years. Yes, I'm exaggerating, but it feels as if it's been that long. I have a children's story that I need to edit, but I'm not quite sure how I should go about it. There are a lot of places that need serious rewording, but I'm not sure how to reword it. I know that's one of the most important things, since editing takes multiple multiple drafts. I might start an entry on editing soon.

Reading... I finished Phantom of the Opera, I enjoyed it, but I'm trying to figure out what I should next read. I have a few hardcopy books that I should probably get to cracking, so that might be my next literary thing.

I'm not sure what else to write, so I will leave it here.

What I've Been Up To

The first thing I have to say is "Wow!" I can't believe I've actually reached 1000 views on my blog. I know that's nothing when really compared to the rest of the interweb, but for me, this is super amazing. I hate that I didn't reach it earlier; I probably would have if I was writing on here the way that I should.

It's not that I haven't been reading or writing; I've done both (more of the former than the latter if I'm to be honest), but I haven't put anything up here. But never fear-- updates are on their way. I have book reviews, maybe some fiction, and general writing updates.

I have not forgotten about here, I'm just trying to think of what to put up here. But I will be back here, doing what I should.

I Have Not Been Entirely Idle

If there is anything in my writing that I am proud of, it is the fact that I have had someone pay me to write for them.

As a person that considers themselves a writer, it's the highest honor I can think of, even though many of the pieces have yet to have been polished. That is what I am going to work on.

I'm furious right now, for reasons that I will not go in to deeply, but it has to do with the removal of my writing from my resume, especially considering how important and how much of an honor it is. I do have pieces that I can show, pieces that have had some polishing done, pieces that I can put out as writing samples. Not all of my work is smut. But to have my resume altered to not show the work that I put in, the talent that I have, it is an insult.

But that's enough of that, this isn't a blog for my ranting and anger, it is a blog about literature.

I have not been idle, as the title implies. I've been struggling with writing, writers block, and with finding adequate things to read. But read I have, and I recently finished a book that I will review. I've also written some things geared toward a younger audience.

I enjoy writing things that are clean; my biggest issue is finding ideas that don't have erotic or adult undertones. But they do happen, and when they do, they're lovely. Starting tomorrow (or later today, considering it's already morning hours), I am going to work on my editing, and on articles for what I've read.

This blog will have quite a few updates done to it, so I hope that the few people that read it will enjoy that I've written more, and will update more frequently again.

New Reviews to Come

It's not that I haven't been reading, I've actually been spending my time on "Behold a Pale Horse" until recently. But within the next few days I should have two and a half new reviews ready. I'm not going to give anything away, I'm just going to say that both reviews will be awesome, and one of the new ones if from an author that I've reviewed once before.

Figured I'd post something. There may also be a rant and some erotica on the way, depending on the way that I feel.

New Stuff Coming Soon!

I will admit shamelessly that I haven't been doing as much reading as I should. I've only really read one book, The Wind in the Willows, and I will have my review up some time this week I've kept myself a busy bee knitting and crocheting, but I do have a book that I'm starting to read, which I think will be another I review.

I have not forgotten about this blog, not at all. Just wanted to put that out there.

How Do You Write With an Aching Heart?

The biggest problem that I've encountered with my writing has been writing even when I'm depressed. I want to make writing my business, but so many times, words are said, their emotions are felt, and it hurts.

Quite often, I pretend that I don't have emotions so close to the surface, and that I have a heart that is made of stone, but it's a lie, and everything that is said to me, hits home. Sometimes I will hear something, and my writing will stop mid sentence, and I'm frozen, locked behind something that I don't know how to get through. I know everyone out there has felt this.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't a writer; I wish that words weren't the easiest way for me to express myself, that I had a talent in another field, or another something to which to put my passion. I don't know how much time I've spent crying, and believing the worst of myself to be my majority. Even right now, at this moment, I'm not sure if I should continue. I think that I should put my pen down, and pick up something that I know would make money for me.

Is there anyone out here that reads this blog, or at least this post, that has advice? Anyone that knows how to write and continue to write, no matter what feelings go through your mind? Please, any and all advice will be considered. I'd hate to think that moments like this will be the sum of my existence, that I might become known for my work after I'm dead. When I think like this, I realize just how young I am in this industry.

Should Writers Work on Multiple Pieces at Once?

While studying writing, I found this website that gives writers advice.

The first thing that Henry Miller says I should do, is work on one piece of writing at a time.

For me, this is the one thing I don't do. I work on multiple pieces of work at one time. Personally, I get blocks on my longer works, and need to write something else to give my brain another direction. That's just how my though process works with my fiction.

Sometimes I take a break from some plot to write a short scene or story. I've figured out that's basically my plan with one of my stories, completely changing my writing style.

I do finish things. I've just finished my story about mermaids, and it's in the editing stage. But working specifically at that one piece of writing, even with an outline, can become stale for me. I have so many ideas flowing, some of them short pieces telling me about my character, and then some of just smut. Either way, I'm going to jump back and forth.

And on top of all the fiction, I also write my opinion pieces down, and those also give my fingers some time away from writing made up stuff.

This is something that I know will always be a part of my style. Do a lot of writers work on multiple things at once? Or is the majority in the single idea mindset?

I guess that's it for right now. I have a lot of writing to get back to.

Black History Month Reading List and Side Note

Usually, I don't really observe and follow months or observances. But, since I'm Black, and a writer, I decided that for this Black History Month, I will exclusively read Black authors.

I've read Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston, and I've read the majority of the work by the amazing Toni Morrison. I've read Langston Hughes, and an essay by Audre Lourde.

But there are many, many, many authors that I haven't read. I remember reading a collection of poems called I am the Darker Brother. I remember reading it, and finding the work beautiful, and only recognizing two of the names in the book. Two names. I felt so stupid, so uninformed, so outside of the world that I considered myself. I still can't name many of them.

Starting off my chocolate author reading list is Frederick Douglass' groundbreaking autobiography My Bondage, My Freedom. Yes, it sounds like something that I would write or enjoy, but it's not that kind of bondage or freedom. I'm 20% through, and there have already been parts that made my cry.

After this, I'm not sure what I will read, because there's a book around my house by Ralph Ellison that in paper, and I want to try and work my way through it.

I'm thinking of expanding my Black History Month reading to include works about the Black experience and perceptions of Black people. My Dad got me another book (before the poetry) called Documents of American Prejudice. This book is amazing, and the ideas and pseudoscience being put forth about my people (I've only gotten as far in as the lengthy Black chapter). This counts as Black History in my book.

I will write my review of Frederick Douglass as soon as I'm done.

I almost forgot to mention: I finished my PG short story. It is currently in the very capable and well moisturized hands of my beta, and being looked at. I know it's rougher than sand paper, but it will be properly put online in due time.

Fantasy versus Fiction: Shown Side by side

I've finally found two good examples of the difference between a written fantasy, and fiction. For the sake of this particular entry, I'm going to put only a few paragraphs of each in this entry. After this, I'm going to share a full fantasy scene, or a full fiction scene.

First, the fantasy:

            “Do you enjoy my lips?” Izzy asked teasingly, biting Catherine’s neck, kissing down over her collarbone. Izzy’s hands cupped her slave girl’s large breasts, squeezing them, enjoying their feeling. Soft moans increased in volume as Izzy’s skilled tongue and teeth brought her nipples to full attention. The blond gasped as she watched Izzy’s tongue stud harden its mate.

            Izzy bit her lower lip as she slid her hands down over each of Catherine’s hips, her head slowly making its way between the smooth thighs. She alternated kissing each one as they spread, her nose catching the full bouquet of her slave girl’s excitement.

            “Are you always this easy to please?” Izzy asked nonchalantly, her index and ring finger spreading Catherine’s outer lips as her middle finger teased her clitoral hood.

            She gasped, grinning. “Only when someone knows the deepest truths of my body.”

            “Ah, so it only happens with someone like me.”

            “Oh yes, Mistress.”

            Moving her fingers down slightly, Izzy began stimulating her clit directly. Catherine moaned loudly, pleasure overwhelming from her sensitive pearl. As her juices began to flow more freely, Izzy’s fingers made their way slowly into the other young woman’s tight pussy. She could no longer go without tasting the juices, and began flicking her tongue over her clit, her sparkling brown eyes locked on the pleasure of Catherine’s face.

            “Mmm… Mistress… your tongue…” The words were barely intelligible between the sounds of pleasure, which aroused both of them further.

            The fingers within her passage curved upwards as Izzy switched from licking to sucking the sensitive bundle of nerves. The tell-tale orgasmic muscle spasms passed through Catherine’s body as she came, the juices now dripping from her entrance and her Mistress’ fingers. Izzy truly experiences the full essence of her sweet climax as she rubbed the clit in small circles, and moved her tongue deep into her entrance, the tip of it teasing her G-spot.

            Moans run out as orgasms rolled through Catherine’s body, her hands digging into her Mistress’ hair, pulling it rhythmically. Lips glistening, Izzy slowly came up, aroused by Catherine’s need to kiss and share her flavor. Although she had removed her moth, her fingers continued their stimulation of her clit, rubbing it roughly. Their bodies pressed against each other as Catherine’s hands slid between her Mistress’ thighs, and two fingers made their way into the soaked passage.

            Izzy moaned loudly, the feeling of her G-spot being stroked further wetting her things. Their speeds synced as they pushed their bodies together, each wanting to bring the other more pleasure. Catherine’s emboldened hands reached to grab and smack her Mistress’ large ass, the soft curves so different from the hard fucking they enjoyed. Their mouths worked together, kissing each other deeply, their tongues dancing. Izzy couldn’t find words to describe the pleasure that she was feeling, and opted to allow her incredible orgasm to speak for her. As her movements became more erratic, Izzy nuzzled Catherine’s neck, her muscles straining. The intense pleasure Izzy was getting caused Catherine to climax again, their bodies intertwined pleasure.

In this case, I actually gave the character's names; they're stock names, but names nonetheless. This story is not part of a longer anything. Granted, there's some before and some after, but it stands alone. Could I make it part of a longer something? Sure. I have enough of these shorty shorts to do just that.

Now, on to the fiction. This is an excerpt from Defying Destiny, a full length short story:

             I held his lower lip between my teeth as I stroked his growing member. He moaned loudly when I squeezed his shaft. Daniel’s hands made their way into my yoga pants, stroking my clit between his index and middle finger. I moaned loudly, the feeling of hand almost as intense as pleasure on the other realm. Pulling his pants off, I saw that he was fully hard. Turning over onto all four, I looked back at him, biting my lip, smirking.

            He grinned as he pulled my pants down, smacking my bare ass gently. His hands were entirely different from Damien’s hands; Daniel explored me with a curiosity and wonder of someone that had never touched me before, and took it as an adventure.

            “Beautiful.” He murmured, stroking my clit as he slowly slid himself in. It felt amazing and painful at the same time. My hymen was very tough.

            “You’re a virgin!” He moaned loudly, his voice full of surprise.

            “Not for much longer. Please fuck me, Daniel.” The words were soft, softer than I had ever spoken to a person, and the plea in their cadence was genuine. I clasped his bottom lip between my teeth. With a deep thrust, he pushed his way though the membrane, a loud yelp coming from me.

            I chose doggy for it’s carnality and yet, he was loving to me. He moved slowly inside me, his hands sliding up my ribcage to squeeze my small breasts. Moving with him, I moaned his name, my hands gripping the headboard.

            “Lucia,” he gasped into my ear, “I need you, Lucia.”

            Once again, his fingers deftly went to my clit, causing an orgasm to shake through me. It was the first time someone other than Damien had caused me to cum. I knew that Lucifer knew of the act, and a huge tremor was felt throughout the block. The miniature earthquake did nothing to distract Daniel from his pleasure. As my orgasm doubled, I felt him release his seed inside me.

            Pressing his body into mine, I screamed, a burning sensation coursing through shoulder. Falling onto my back, I saw a piece of my flesh bubbling on a gold cross around his neck. A token of his faith that was so small, I hadn’t noticed it. Unfortunately he did, and was snapped to reality of what we had done.

            “What are you?” He asked me, smelling my sulfuric flesh.

            I couldn’t answer before he looked at my bare pubic bone, and saw my triple-6 birthmark.

This scene is definitely part of something longer. The narrator has a secret, there's a bit more going on in her thoughts, and near the end, it doesn't just stop once the orgasms are over, it goes back to the plot of the story. It is only a link, with plot before and after, and more interesting twists and turns. Having this scene on here is supposed to make the reader want to know what's going to happen. This scene does not stand alone, and I would probably get plenty of complaints if this is where it all ended.

I hope that this clears up some of the questions about my writing, and sexy writing. I'm thinking of putting a full super short scene on here, maybe in the next entry or so.

Religion in my Writing

I love writing about all different subjects, especially taboo ones. I love writing activities that, if done in reality, would result in lengthy jail sentences. I write things that fringe groups would devour in heartbeats, that aren't acceptable on many  writing websites.

Out of all the taboos that I write, I realize one that I actually tend to stay far away from.

Religion.

Now, this isn't a post about my personal belief system, or how I don't blaspheme against one divine being while leaving all others fair game. No, this is about the one thing I tend to avoid all together.

I remember when I read 120 Days of Sodom, the pure shock of the blasphemous things uttered by the characters. I had never read blasphemy like that before (except those few blasphemous dudes the Bible mentions), and I was actually a bit uncomfortable. It was as if I felt a higher being reading over my shoulder and I would say inside my brain "You know I don't agree with this" to err on the side of caution.

Religion has only come up really and truly in one of my stories, Defying Destiny. It has a quasi-Christian-ish feel to some parts, and the basic Hell I describe is very Dante inspired. For all I know, the Lucifer in my story could have redecorated to look like the book.

I have another story, that has characters from the Middle East, and I'm toying with the idea of having some of the female characters veiled; not because of religion, but because they're Owned, and their Owner does not want any eyes but his own on them. I'd hate for someone to read that and think I'm making a (no pun intended) veiled nod to Muslim people, because I'm not. If my characters were Muslim, I'd say that outright

Most of my work is freaky and weird, but there is at least one button I don't want to push for people. I'm a firm believer in believe whatever you'd like. Who am I to judge your belief system, or lack of one? Maybe one day I will write something deeper on religion, but I don't see that day happening any time soon.

The Difference Between Fiction and Fantasy

Sometimes, when you share with people your writing, especially writing of the scintillating variety, their first question/comment is: "This is what turns you on?"

When I hear this question, it makes me feel all sorts of ways. The first thing it does is confuse me. It almost makes me feel as if I should have some sort of control over what comes out of my pen. I have as much control over what I'm drawn to write, as I have control over the thickness of my glasses. Especially when it comes to graphic writing. I'm seriously contemplating writing a post about the difference between erotica and sexual writing, because many people consider them to one and the same.

The second thing I feel in annoyance. I always specifically say that my writing is fiction. With some stories/ideas, like Big Brother, I'm technically not driven to arousal by the graphic parts. In that, I'm using the sex scenes as specific tools to get across an idea. I know many people will find the scenes/story stroke worthy, but it's not my cup of tea. It's not something I would participate in. Hell, I root for the sake of justice in those stories.

Now, I'm not saying that I find none of my writing sexy, because that would be a lie, but I am saying that I don't often write my fantasies into stories. For people that have read a lot of my work (all four of them), they can tell the difference between fantasy and true fiction. When I'm fantasizing about stuff, I usually have nameless characters (a Master and a slave), blurry descriptions with only the most basic physical traits given (dark hair and eyes, full breasts, long manhood). It's not about the characters, it's not about their stories, it's not about their love, concerns and fears. It's about seeing them fuck. It's the literary equivalent of making your dolls have doll sex. Many of these never leave my computer/journals, because they're not actual stories, they're PWP-- Porn Without Plot. To be honest, it's very difficult for me to write a story around a fantasy, because I don't think of the characters outside of their sexual terms. I don't care if the Master is a lawyer who is under a lot of stress, or if his Fortune 500 company is being indited on a scheme. I don't care if the slave was the neighbor-girl he held captive until she broke, or if she's a runaway that followed him home and won over his heart with her charm and grace. It doesn't matter. I think I'm going to post a short PWP scene, and then post a graphic scene that comes from a story.

Yes, I will scour my writing, and find something from both categories and post it... I'll probably do it some time in the upcoming week.

Becoming an "Official" Writer

Someone bought some of my writing.

To some people, this might not seem as pivotal as it seems to me. It's not the most epic thing that can happen. I haven't published some novel that's going to make me a gagillion dollars. People that aren't artists don't understand the sheer significance of the act.

For the first time in my writing career (a career that many people have mistakenly called a "passion") I've actually had someone give me money for the pleasure of my words. Not getting an A on a paper, or doing anything that shall rename unmentioned. This was my fiction, the things that I created, my characters and plot lines. They saw that much pleasure that they gave me money. They saw that much in my skills...

It's overwhelming...

So many times I'm unsure that I will have an audience for the things that I write. Every time and I sit and begin to write, or type, the doubt creeps through me. And each block becomes a question that breaks down my concentration.

But I sent work, stuff that I'd only edited once or twice, and it was enjoyed. It makes me want to get more things out there. I'm reading about a website called Smashwords, and I'm going to try and see if I can self publish some shorter things.

I forgot the other upswing part of my news. I bought a digital copy of The Writers Market! For the first time in my writing, I'm actually going to learn more about the business side of writing and making money off it. This is huge, I can see what kind of companies and agents are looking for my type of stuff. The beginning of the book is really helpful, because it begins to teach you how to pimp yourself. It also has a lot of different types of publishers that look for work. I can see how many places take writing like mine. Granted, I have to come into the agency with some writing that isn't as ridiculously graphic and disgusting as some of my writing. I can also find someone to buys my PG/Young Adult stuff, and even the romantic things I let out every once in a while. I can also see what's selling like hotcakes and try to write more of that.

Sheesh, now that this has happened, I can even put "Writer" on my resume! I have to research writing portfolios, and how to keep track of submissions. I actually feel like I'm working on my writing. I feel like a kid! Well, when more information comes up, I'll write it.

Forgot to mention. I took a break from Conrad, he was getting a bit long winded, and I need things that are going to keep my rapt attention. I read that reading writing that isn't your style is good... unfortunately I read that after I read "Minski the Cannibal". Yes, it's de Sade, yes it's hilariously graphic. Was it worth the money...? I'll have to write a review of it, and that price tag -_-

Alright TTFN

Writing with an Outline

Only recently have I really begun to write outlines for my stories, and I have to say, I really like how my writing has turned out.

The story that I'm currently working on, Front of the Whorehouse, is actually the first story that I have ever had entirely planned out. It's a good thing that I have, because if not, I wouldn't have gotten as far into it as I have.

As awesome as outlining is for fiction (I know the path I'm going, I have a good track of how far I've made it), it can also be rather daunting.

I usually set myself up for big things: I don't want to just write a little sumthin' sumthin', unless that was my original idea. Although I wouldn't consider it a novel, it's a very long story, and I'm really concerned while writing it. I know that where I am right now, is barely twenty-five percent to where the full destination is. I'm not making progress the way I should. Right now, my craft is a passion, not a career, because I haven't learned to write even when I'm "not feeling it". Until I can do that, I don't think I will be a successful writer.

I'm considering putting a limit on my stories, and trying to hit certain marks. I'm going to attempt to write one bullet point a day. That means, that by this time next month, I would have it complete. I should probably get back to writing right now, rather than this.

PS. I am reading The Nigger of the "Narcissus", and as soon as I finish it, I will write a review of it. I'm hoping that Conrad's epic paragraphs and style will help me with my own need for epic paragraphs and descriptions.

Kindle Direct Publishing and Graphic Porn

This has left me pissed off.

And rather depressed...

So, I had something of an epiphany when I was writing and working on a short scene. Suddenly, I realized that I wanted to put a lot of little sceneys of mine together in a collection I call "Taboo". It was supposed to contain stories from all the parts of human sexuality that aren't discussed in polite society.

And by this, I barely mean BDSM. I meant incest, underage, rape and zoophilia. I happen to have at least one story that falls into each of the categories (although the underage was written when I was underage). I thought it would be a clever, although controversial collection. Although I didn't expect any one individual to find each story arousing (I only find a fraction sexy), but I thought there was a little something for everyone.

So, whilst on my computer, I go to Amazon.com and I download the Kindle Publishing handbook... I'm so happy I found now, before I put in the extra time writing other little shorts for this collection.

I'm reading through it, looking at the policies that are in place, how to go about it. Amongst the final pages, I find the list of prohibited content. The first fucking thing is "graphic or hardcore pornography". Immediately, I thought a blood vessel in my head popped.

All of my erotic writing is graphic and hardcore. In my mind, that's what makes good erotica, the ability to see, touch, taste and smell what's going on. I want the reader to feel that everything they're reading is happening right in front of them.

Thinking that there might be some other things not allowed by KDP, I went to their forum (I already have an account), and I found that not only are graphic depictions prohibited, so are rape, scat, underage, and anything else that one might find in 120 Days of Sodom.

Most of my stories and outlines for stories contain themes like that. Hell, it's usually a major conflict. What can I say, my first favorite author was VC Andrews.

Even my stories, the longer pieces that I'm working on, cannot be published under KDP. I really feel some sort of way, my head and heart are aching right now. I don't know what's keeping the tears at bay.

Now I'm just wondering what it is I'm going to have to do... I think I will wait, finish a major story, and then see about finding an agent. That will probably be the only way to get out my work, since it's too graphic and "wrong" for me to publish independently.

I have to find a way to get my mind back on track with my work...

Venus In Furs

I had read de Sade's 120 Days of Sodom, and I loved it. It gave me a true sense of why the word sadism had its roots in his name.

I'd heard of Venus in Furs, and I knew that Sader-Masoch's name gave way to the word masochism. I came into the book with preconceived notions of what it was supposed to be, what it was supposed to do. I've just now left the book with higher hopes and spirits than I thought I would.

 If you've come to this book looking for hardcore pornography, you should just go to Kink.com's Divine Bitches.

I have to start off: the book, novella actually, moves at what I thought was a slow pace. Being the crass individual that I am, I thought Severin was a whiny bitch, and Wanda and flip-floppity fluffer Dominant. There is lots of crying from the former, and lots of wishy-washy love/hate from the latter.

There are many references to historical people at times, and even though I'm reading it for my own edification, I have to say I'd like to read it again and take notes. One of the biggest misconceptions about the book, is masochism. I'm not sure how to better phrase it... what modern day people see as a masochist, might only be seen as a facet of true masochism based on this book. Most of the masochism isn't physical, but emotional, which I found fascinating.

Depending on who you are, there could be some downsides to this book. If you're picking up a paperback version, I'd suggest being familiar with archaic words, or have the internet close by for quick googles of different things. I still haven't seen an effective image for the styles of furs that he finds so fascinating. Also, the way I've seen some of these movie posters and all that such... it looks a lot different from what was written.

I don't think that Wanda was a cougar, if I'm not mistaken, she was twenty-four at the start of the story, and even back then, that wasn't super old. And well, I don't want to give anything else away, so I'll try to steer clear of any further information.

There's just one curious thing I've noticed since just finishing the story... it hasn't technically loosened the bonds of my fingers. That's very curious indeed. I'll just continue to read some more fantastic literature and see where I'm led to next time.

Difficulties You Might Not Expect

I have to say, coming up with ideas isn't really my issue when it comes to writing.

I have way more problems with actually getting through an idea, and finishing it. When I look at so much of my writing, I'll get in far, 20, 30, sometimes even forty pages. I'll try to keep it up long and strong, and it'll fade back as quickly as it came on, and I'm stuck dribbling on about something I'm not quite sure was ever as good as I'd imagined it to be.

I think it's the reason that writing something, dare I say, novel length is intimidating for me. My play was originally supposed to be something novel length, and I know if I had continued trying to write it as something grand and pompous, I'd have forsaken it before I could go the full journey with my character. Now, I return to a novel, the very beginnings of some epic story, and I find that I don't know that character any more. She's grown into a wonderful and splendid human being (for all intensive purposes), and I still have her stuck at at basic level.

As for right now, I know that there is a particular story, well, a few, that I should devote time specifically to. I'm still learning how to actually sit and write something for two hours. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it perfectly, but I know that I need to put in the time necessary for me to perfect my craft.

Reading About Writing, Trying to Write More

I've been reading Stephen King's On Writing.

I haven't finished it yet, but I've already read two places where I was--am lacking-- as a writer. Besides my horrible habit of having passive verbs (which I'm still not even sure I can identify while reading), the worst thing that I've done to my craft is not writing enough.

King suggests, at a minimum, to write two thousand words a day. Two. Thousand.

There's a short story (it's more like an elongated scene to be honest) that I'm writing, and as of right now, it's 1700 words. It has taken me three of four days to get up to 1700 words. I'm supposed to crank out more than that every day.

That's like five pages (regularly spaced) a day. If I write more than one page a day, I feel like a G, a super ultra mega G. Hell, if I really write five pages, it's surely not for the same story. It's like doing one of my stories that has an outline, and writing a bullet point a day.

That's really imposing for me. I have to admit, I have almost no discipline. I can barely spell the word. The worst thing, at least for my writing, is that I type up most of my stuff on a laptop that has the internet.

If there is any one particular thing that I can say fucks with my writing, and really helps me procrastinate, it's the internet. On my laptop, I can surf through thousands of pages of ridiculous stuff. It's not intentional, and sometimes reading other things actually helps my writing. For the most part, it just keeps me from doing what I need to do.

I think that I'm going to have to implement an entire routine just to make sure that I do everything necessary to increase my writing skills.

Today, I'm going to change the way my desk is sitting, so that it faces a wall, and while I'm having my writing time, there is no use of the internet. If I can't write, I'll read (I should read right now anyway instead of watching this documentary), and if  I can't read, I'll throw around ideas. For that entire period of time, I have to do what I need to do.

I think that's what i'm going to do, start getting my room together, to get my reading together, to get my writing together.

All this makes me want a blunt... but no! I'll smoke after I make some progress in my writing.